You're Flipping Mad!
by Malfoyette
Summary: Venus and Mars present: A double-sided flip of the coin story, two characters, two different aspiring and expiring writers take you to both a male and female perspective of one of those attempts that really wont get out of your head. no matter how hard yo
1. Foreword with Publicity

pre

[The Guy]:

Venus and Mars present: A double-sided flip of the coin story, two characters, two different aspiring and expiring writers take you to both a male and female perspective of one of those attempts that really wont get out of your head. no matter how hard you try... and trust us, after a while, you'll at least try to try... but you cant... its that good!

Bound to be fool of lame jokes, at least one accident involving a broken leg (we'll fit that in, even if i have to sneak it past her censorship), and lots of good natured humour, "You're Flipping Mad!" promises to be one of our better attempts at writing a Fanfic that actually transcends the mere scene/stage/plot and takes you deeply into our world! 

Be treated to a lineup of special features including:

- A story with two viewpoints, the guy and the girl

- A possible romance to be explored later, where the writers actually switch characters [to show you the real difference between guys and girls]

- Two distinct styles of writing

- Alternating chapters (one girl, one guy)

- Good natured fun! 

- and plenty of other features we'll add in once we get around to adding them into the story. 

... But for now... sit back, relax, read, enjoy, review, comment... okay read and enjoy first. the comment and review comes later. 

Presenting to you ... : " You're Flipping Mad! "

Enjoy! 

-luZ` [the guy.]

/pre


	2. Chapter One : Where we set our scene

[The Guy]:

Disclaimer: No I do not own any original works by J.K. Rowling (even though I wish I did), nor her characters et al.

Chapter One: "where we lay our scene…"

          Big biceps. It always came down to big biceps. Whenever I even remotely consider attempting to think about looking at a cute girl, she invariably reads my mind, checks my biceps and ignores me. Its not as if I'm the bottom of the barrel… I do have a few abs. Okay maybe just one, all right, the beginnings of one, but I'm not that bad looking… am I? 

           I slouched over to the mirror, desperate to prove my point. I stood at five feet nine, with a thick mop of black hair on my head, untidily mussed up and fiercely sprouting in all directions. A pair of brown eyes stared back at me, as I examined my slightly larger nose, and off-white almost straight teeth. Okay, maybe I wasn't exactly the catch of the day, but I was still better than average… right?

          Who was I trying to kid, the truth about why they ignored me was staring me in the face. Literally. I slumped back into bed, now down in a blue funk about life, as any ordinary teenager without the resources for mass plastic surgery would at occasions feel. To make things worse, my parents were actually planning to transfer me to some funny voodoo school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Jabber. Okay, maybe not exactly Jabber, but I mean, what's wrong with Ridgemount High? I may not be the most popular guy there, but at least I have my social circle. Even if my circle only consists of two, but that's infinitely better than going alone into some weird school! 

          I'm not even sure why the school wants me there. According to them, they needed to fulfill a certain 'Muggle' requirement in their third year class, because the last one died of some funny disease, and I was it. What bull. They probably need another funny 'Muggle' thing in order to qualify for tax rebates or something, and that's why they were desperate enough to offer me a full scholarship. Even said I was a "late developer Muggle". I wonder if 'Muggles' are rare, priceless geniuses. It would be around time I actually excelled in something. 

          Lets see… speaking about this topic, this Hogwarts place actually promised to send me an official admission letter if my parents were amiable to the arrangement, which they definitely were, considering the sheer number of complaints they were receiving about mine leering. I wasn't leering! Really! I was just admiring Karen's nice skirt, and I guess I didn't bother to look away. It **was** more interesting than Algebra, after all, who needs to know all about axes and whys and zees, definitely not me! Anyway, I'd rather not go too far down that line of thought, since I guess it was over, and there was no point crying over split milk. 

          " Mom! Have you gotten any official looking letter addressed to Yours Truly yet?" I yelled from my room, too lazy to go down the stairs to check for myself. 

          " No, I haven't! You don't think they've forg…" I got all I needed to know from the first part of the statement, and I definitely didn't want to hear the second. False hope was not something I would encourage myself to harbor, especially since adults tend to leave you on cliffhangers before actually revealing that they knew a long time ago. Demented people, those adults, must be something about adulthood that fries every part of them that used to be fun, leaving only the disciplinarian parts. 

          Anyway, what with the funny name of the school, they'll probably send a funny warty wild pig to deliver me the letter or something. I hope they forget my address, or send it to fat Martin down the street… but wait, what's that brown speck in the sky doing? Are they filming remakes of Superman? It seems to be getting bigger… and bigger and…

          "WHOA CRAP!" 

I jumped back away from the window just as a feathery brown missile slammed into my window and drooped slowly down to the first floor, high-pitched scratching noises coming from outside my glass window. Stupid birds, no wonder they're endangered. Opening the window, I looked down to see the ruddy owl climbing up slowly and gently letting itself into my room. Hmm. At least they have manners… they knock before they enter. Though at that speed it might have well knocked the bucket, if you get my drift. 

A high-pitched hoot interrupted my thoughts, and I saw the owl sticking out a leg towards me. Did it want to shake? I thought only dogs knew tricks. Oh wait. What's this? A letter… could it be that Hogwarts School making a first impression? I untied the brown string from the brown paper envelope from the brown owls. Maybe brown is the school color, I mused to myself. I unrolled the envelope and saw…

"To: Kiryo Xanthos.

 The Second Room above the stairs. 

 26, Holly Road

 London, England."

Holy heavens! They knew my name! Oh wait. My mum would have filled up an application form. D'oh. But how did they know I lived in the 'Second Room above the stairs' … Mom wouldn't have told them… that's too personal. Something's not right… so thinking, I slipped the letter opener into the groove and gave it a sharp tug…

-End Chapter 1-

[All right. The guy signs out. Wait for the girl now. Comments appreciated. This is my first attempt using a completely personal first person style. I'm more used to being someone omnipresent. Wait for the girl. Unabridged, Unedited, Completely GUY stuff as of 10/7/03]

You chill dudes, and have a nice day

-luZ` [the guy]


	3. Chapter Two: Two pathcrossed lovers

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling does not own this character. I do. But unfortunately she owns everything else. 

**Summary:** In which Danielle Malfoy has a little crush on her cousin, and literally crushes somebody.

**You're Flippin' Mad**

Chapter Two: Two path-crossed lovers

_**Malfoy** - notice how the word rolls off your tongue nicely? The name, it's a prestige, and honour that's bestowed upon every single person in the family. You're literally born with a silver -wait, no, platinum - spoon in your aristocratic mouth._

_**Malfoy** - power, fame, wealth. But I would give up all of that for my one true love, my hero, who would come to rescue me from this drudgery, this prison, this –_

"Danielle Malfoy!" Mom's voice reverberated throughout the mansion. Her footsteps could be heard encroaching upon my suite. I slammed Great-great-grandmother's journal shut. Then the door blasted open. Mother stood in the doorway, holding a book away from her with her thumb and finger. She looked incensed.

"Yes, Mother?" I blinked innocently, hoping to placate her. What was it this time, I wondered. Did she discover the nicely moustachioed portrait of Grand-uncle in the library?

"If I find anymore of these… Muggle romance novels," she spat the words out with much vehemence, "I will make sure you wear black for the next two months."

As if to demonstrate her disgust with my novels, she promptly threw the offending book on the floor and _Incendio_-ed it. Then she stormed out of my bedroom in haste, possibly to get ready for yet another cocktail party at Parkinson's.

"Mom!" I was appalled. Black was soo last season. I'd rather die than suffer a fate such as allowing myself to be caught in such a fashion disaster.

But I was surprised she found out about my secret stash of romance novels (or at least one book from it). I had hidden them so carefully in the remotest part of the mansion, in the family vault! After I'd read about Great-great-grandmother's falling in love with a Muggle thespian in the aforementioned journal, I swore I would keep my novels with her in the vault to keep her company. Poor Granny, being forced to marry a Black after her love affair was discovered, died of a broken heart a few months after the marriage.

I had hoped that those Judith McNaught novels would be fine company, comforting Granny in her resting place. McNaught wrote such stirring stories! Her heroes so wonderfully brought to life, with their dark pasts and stormy grey eyes - grey eyes?

Draco. I smiled to myself. My dear cousin would have ways to procure some more of those novels. Now that I was living with Uncle Lucius and Aunt Narcissa, I saw my favourite cousin more than ever.

We had previously lived in the US, but Father, upon Uncle's recommendation, was offered a post at Britain's Ministry of Magic. So we packed our bags for Malfoy Manor, home of 197 generations of Malfoys. After we moved, Father and Uncle went off to work early everyday and came home late into the night. I rarely ever saw them. Mother and Aunt would busy themselves with widening their social circles. That would have left Drake and I together at home, but Drake kept going out to "duel with Potter". That was what he told me, though I often heard him tell Uncle that he had been at Crabbe's or Goyle's.

I guessed Drake bought those novels to keep me preoccupied so that I would not rattle on him.

Drake would be going to Hogwarts for his fifth year when the new school term started; I would be going to join the third-years - Oh! So that was why Mother was in such an irritable mood! We had decided to shop for school items at Diagon Alley today, how could I have forgotten?

I hurriedly picked out a dark green robe and fixed my shoulder-length hair with a simple spell. (_All_ Malfoys have platinum blonde hair. It's in our tight leather genes. Choice of eye colour: grey like Drake's, or blue like mine.) I surveyed myself in the mirror before I left. At five-foot-four, most clothes tended to fit me quite well. The mirror wolf-whistled at me before I left.

Thankfully I was just in time before Mother yelled for me. _Diagon Alley, here I come._

It was my first trip to the wizarding centre of London. It was amazing. It was, also, a maze. I found it hard to keep up with Mother, what with all those grown-up wizards and witches around me.

"Aha! Madame Malkin's!" Mother ushered me into a rather cheery shop. There were racks of ready-made robes (some of which would have been labelled "to be burned" if I were in charge), but Mother was having none of that. I was, instead, to have my school robes custom-made. Ah, the wonders of wealth. I heard from Drake that "the Weasley" always wore hand-me-downs, what a nightmare!

Having my measurements taken seemed to take an eternity. Not that I had anything "impressive" to measure, of course. After the exhausting episode, Mother was still energised. She marched out of the store, apparently with a destination in mind. When she disappeared from sight, I overcame my inertia, albeit reluctantly, and picked myself up from where I was sitting.

"Mother!" I called after her, but she was nowhere to be found. I turned a corner abruptly but -

"Oof!" I collided with a tall, raven-haired boy. Looking up to apologise, his - grey? green? - brown eyes met mine and I was at a sudden loss for words.

"Watch it!" The guy-with-the-brown-eyes scowled at me and stalked off, still muttering under his breath.

* * *

Here you go. Totally unbeta-ed. Pardon me for all grammatical errors! And now we await the guy's reaction (coughcough.) to this chapter. =D What is up with Kiryo? (And this should technically be an X-men/ Harry Potter cross-over fic, luZ.)

the girl, jinx.


	4. Chapter Three: That Cute Thang

You're Flippin' Mad!

**Chapter Three:** "That Cute Thang"

**Wham**. Such an inelegant word for an elegant meeting. 

"Watch it!" I snapped, slightly irritated at the sheer gall that someone would actually presume to touch the great body of Kiryos Xanthos. I looked up, curses (muggle ones) on my lips, ready to blast the living hell (figuratively) out of he who has intruded. 

I don't recall what happened next. All I remember, was a pair of beautiful sky blue eyes, with both the stormy passion and calmness of the sea. Before I could say anything, the crowd pulled me ahead, and despite my best efforts to back paddle against the moving tide, I found us being inexorably split apart. 

_I've lost her_. The one girl I've met that actually moved my heart, and not just my loins. _I'll never see her again_. A chance meeting, but yet, somehow so fated, I could only wish I said something more intelligent. _I love and miss her already_. Normally not a believer in love at first sight, I found my viewpoints changed by her beautiful face, deep stormy eyes and that oh-so-soft touch of her body against mine, albeit accidental. 

My mind wandered back into the streams of time. It had barely been one week ago, when I received that blessed letter. If it weren't for the letter, I would have never seen her. It had changed my very life, I remember, having to go shopping for cauldrons and robes and dresses. _What guy ever wears dresses? _ None that I know of, other than that funny Korean transsexual, but he's? she's? just weird. I was on my figuratively speaking, final lap. I had to buy the one item. The epitome of class, mystery and 'magichood'. I had to get my ... _wand_. 

While cauldrons and robes may be bought at the nearest Walmart(tm), or custom-ordered through a tailor, I doubt that those funny paper wands sold in "Magic Trick Sets" were really going to perform some real magic for me. Luckily I didn't have to buy my schoolbooks, the nice school, having offered me a scholarship, had bought them for me. Or so I hope. And that's how I found myself down Diagon Alley. _What a weird name_, I thought. That's how I found myself, in my slightly jostled mood, trying to find a blasted shop with the name of "_Woods Magic Wands - Made of 100% wood!_" somewhere in the place. That was before I bumped into her. Her. The goddess of my life. Barely five minutes after I met her, I've already fallen in love. Maybe she's going to Hogwarts. Wouldn't that be coincidental? I could impress her with my _special Muggle_ status! Maybe she's never seen one before. Hmmm... I wonder.

Images flickered into my mind. _Oh Kiryo, you're so special.... come here and sit by me, I need your manly help with this little algebraic problem I have here..._ I would love to be with you, will you be mine forever? _Ohhh... you kiss so well_... Ohhh... right there.... 

Another shove, another push. I looked up, hoping that Lady Luck was smiling on my side, but an obnoxious looking guy instead confronted me with a funny lightning-shaped scar on his face. 

"You've got a problem, _Scarface?_" I snarled, ready to beat him up to pulp for breaking my fantasies.

"I'm sorry, no need to get physical... really. I'll help you find what you're looking for!" He said, brushing his slightly uneven hair over a mismatched pair of glasses. 

I reconsidered. Given the fact that there was a chance I would see her at Hogwarts, I would rather not get into any fights and get expelled **before** I examine that school closely. Besides, with that kind of scar, he wouldn't be able to hide from my fantastic tracking skills. _The slight incident with not being able to find the shop was a mistake. Really. It's an exception. Not the rule._

"Alright," I muttered, "lead me to the wand shop". _Brainless git_, I added mentally. Good for nothing boy was probably just some tourist helper or something. Anyway, to make a long story short, he brought me to a slightly charred place, that looked like a bomb just exploded in it. Interesting. I went in, and found myself accosted by an old man, probably the cashier.

"Are you in for a wand, young master?" He asked politely.

Returning the politeness, I decided last minute not to call him Captain Obvious. Not to his face at least. "Why yes, how did you ever guess?" _Captain Obvious._

He smiled and brought out a elongated rectangular wooden box. He reached in and took out what looked like a wand straight out of the fairy tales and passed it to me. I swung it about and suddenly a large roar emanated from the streets outside. I jumped, shocked, before worrying hurriedly about that cute girl I saw on the streets earlier. It gradually faded away though, and the shops interior were much more interesting than the exterior.

Frowning slightly, the poor old man ran back behind the counter and brought out another, slightly shorter wand. I tentatively touched it and felt a funny electric jolt down my hand. Swinging it around, I found red roses appearing everywhere in the shop, a definite testimony to my current mood. 

He smiled and said, "Fifteen Galleons. Seven and seven-eighths inches. Hornback dragon scale inside a fully oak wand." _Galleons? What are those?_ I frowned... _this could be challenging._

I flashed my American Express and asked, "Do you take credit? Or American greenbacks?" 

He blinked, taken aback, before tilting his head slightly as if in deep thought. Meanwhile, I faded back into my reverie, thinking of that cute girl again. I just can't her out of my head... she must have struck a nerve somewhere. 

"Are you a muggle?" A voice out of nowhere startled me.

"Why, yes. How did you know?" I asked curiously, was my genius that obvious to everyone else?

"In that case, yes we accept American dollars. That will be 95.73163562 American dollars. But 95 will do." He said in a businesslike way, which it probably was to him ... business i mean. I took out my leather wallet and passed over a few notes before grabbing my wand and walking out of the shop, taking slow experimental swings. Nothing seemed to happen though, I frowned. Maybe there was a pattern. 

Strangely, the outside path was almost empty, except for the occasional large footprint and dead corpse. Smiling broadly at my luck, I walked back to my hotel to prepare for my train ride to my new school, with thoughts of her still floating around.

The main question, I decided was... _Will I see her again?_

-End-

Slightly edited for language clarity. I have quick reactions no? For those who are wondering, all will be revealed soon. Including the name Kiryos, and no, no X-Men here. Hope I lived up to some possible pre-conceived expectations, see you next semi week! 

[The guy]  
-luZ.


	5. Chapter Four: I'll Get You

**Disclaimer:** Oh NO not again. Yeah all of them, save for Danielle and Kiryo and their respective families, are not ours. Happy?

**Author's Note:** This chapter was written at 6.30 in the morning, so be warned. And did you get the mild hints of slash? This fic is **seriously AU**, so if you're not happy with it, none of our business.

**~ ~ ~ You're Flippin' Mad! ~ ~ ~**  
Chapter Four: I'll Get You

I mentally Avada-Kedavra-ed myself for such an excellent display of the Malfoy wit and charisma. I could envisage the generations of Malfoys just turning in their graves. Especially Grandaunt Francine, who would have exclaimed, "Blasphemous!", bless her half-Veela heart. And I didn't just stare, did I?

_From the Malfoy Code of Conduct: "Rule 296: Malfoys do not stare, gape or widen their eyes in shock."_

And they don't stand in Diagon Alley looking like a fish, I added with a involuntary wince. Just who _was_ that guy? 

Besides, nobody ever bumped into Danielle Malfoy and got out of it unscathed. Not after I got my hands on them anyway. A simple _Crucio_ would have done nicely, given my current mood and disposition. But oh nevermind, here was something much better to look at: the latest brooms! I stood in front of the window display, ogling at the Firebolts.

"Excuse me, do you have the time?" A voice broke through my broom-induced stupor. It had been fifteen minutes already! I hurriedly told the tall wizard the time and walked away from the shop, scanning the crowds for any signs of platinum blonde. The hair was certainly a plus when it came to finding a Malfoy in a crowd.

_Where was Mother?_ I started to panic. She had not been kidding when she told me to keep to her closely. I rounded yet another corner and found myself face to face with a bespectacled boy. _Hmm, black hair too? Green eyes? Could this be..._

"Oh you..." The boy furrowed his eyebrows and looked me over. (Well, that happened often.) "You must be Dan! Come with me."

It was not Harry Potter, boy-who-lived, was it? My mind was still reeling in shock from this _possible_ meeting with the Boy-Who-Lived, which gave him a chance to grab hold of my right hand, leading me to Flourish and Blotts'. He didn't let go when we arrived, but instead continued to walked me up the stairs to the second level. _What did he think he was doing, even if he was indeed Harry Potter? And how did he know my name?_

The second level was so quiet you could hear a three-headed dog snore. He motioned for me to go closer to him as he crept stealthily towards a dark and clearly deserted corner. I was apprehensive, but followed him anyway. He stopped short before a row which said "Parenting for Magical Folk", turning back to grin at me with a mischeivous glint in his eyes. _What on earth was happening?_ I wondered.

But before I could say anything he jumped into the light and shouted- 

"Drakie!" I heard the unmistakable soft "plop" of a book dropping.

"Ahhh! Harry James Potter! How absolutely Slytherin of you!"

I took a step from behind the selves and walked towards them tentatively. Draco tore his gaze away from Harry Potter (I knew it! It was really him!) and turned his attention towards me. He placed a thick volume (_My Dad and My Daddy, fifth edition._) back onto the shelf, giving me a Look as he approached me, or more likely, reproached.

"Danielle Malfoy, do you know how worried Aunt was about you? She has been frantically running around Diagon Alley trying to look for you -hey listen!- while you where probably gawking at some shop display!" He pursed his lips while throwing me a Glare. 

I frowned, thinking of the half-wit who bumped into me. Who ruined my day and Draco's good impression of me. **I'll get him, **I promised myself. All five-foot-nine of him, with his unkempt hair and matching black jeans. His blue shirt, with the top few buttons casually unbuttoned, and his -

_Why was I even thinking about him?_ I shook those thoughts off and refocussed my mind. 

"Where's mother, anyway? And I was lost, okay? The least you could do was to show some concern after that terribly traumatising experience," I drawled, not intending to.

"Aunt is at Bertie Bott's, she thought you'd be there buying candy," Draco turned back to the shelf and drew out a slim, leather-bound book. "Harry will bring you there." 

"Come on Dan," Harry once again held my hand, leading outside the bookstore, jostling his way through the crowd, which was clearly doing last-minute shopping for textbooks. "Don't worry about Drake, he's just upset at the fact that I'd agreed to spend the summer with Hermione instead of him, and he's jealous. Now he's left with only a week with me."

My jaw would have dropped, if not for the fact that it was still part of my anatomy. Drake - and Harry? I knew of people like Drake and Harry; I was _widely read_. I just didn't think that _they_ would be together. I always thought they were mortal enemies, given the way Drake spoke of Harry to Lucius during dinner. 

They looked quite cute together, I decided. Too bad for the female population at Hogwarts. 

Come to think of it, he _was_ always sneaking off to Harry's this summer. No wonder he tried to keep my mouth shut with those novels, Uncle Lucius would have disowned Draco if he knew of his rendez-vous with Harry. Uncle Lucius thought Harry was no better than a house-elf. It was an old family vendetta, I vaguely recalled Draco telling me about it. Sort of like _Romeo and Juliet_, the muggle play.

My mind was full of these thoughts as Harry walked me to the candy store, rattling on about how Hogwarts was like. I absent-mindedly nodded every few sentences, feeling an unexplained sense of gloom. I terminated my life-long crush on my cousin there and then. 

We neared Bertie Botts. Mother, who had hitherto been talking to an acquaintance (I could tell by the way she looked disapprovingly at his clothes but didn't say anything about it), saw me from behind the displays and dismissed the man. In a politically correct, Malfoy way, of course.

"Danielle Malfoy!" She shrieked at me for the second time that day, as she was walking out.

Several passers-by, hearing the name, looked on with curiosity. I developed a sudden interest in the cobblestones, and wished they would open a hole in the ground to swallow me up that instant. Harry patted me reassuringly on the back, whispering before Mother reached us, "I'm going back to Draco. Wouldn't want to be caught in the cross-fire, yeah."

He left my side, greeting Mother politely as he passed her. Harry threw a last glance at me, winked, and walked back to Florish and Blotts.

I sighed and met my impending earful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I laid in bed at night, thinking of the sights and sounds of the day that just passed. One voice rang inexorably through my head. 

"Watch it!" 

If not for him, I would not have wasted so much time pottering around Diagon Alley, or incurred Mother's wrath. I swore to get even, and thought of all the pleasantly morbid spells I could perform on him.

Did that git go to Hogwarts?

* * *

Yay! I'm finally done with this chapter. So you can stop hurrying me, luZ. =D

-- jinx.


End file.
